First Joe’s old river boat

The First Joe is a fairly recent visitor to Man Boobz-land. He’s another one in a long line of men’s righters who thinks he is so very reasonable, and the rest of us are so terribly unfair in our critiques. Other than that, it’s a little hard to figure out where he’s coming from. He pinballs between nearly incoherent rage, jokey emoticons, Ron Paul love, conspiracy theorizing, more conspiracy theorizing, moving the goalposts, calling us racists, agorism, and attempts to evade the scrutiny of the CIA* (who are responsible for both feminism and French cooking) by spelling the acronym “CIA” as “C1A” and other ruses that I think the CIA might have anticipated. (For similar reasons, he also spells “terrorism” as “t3rrori5m” when clearly it should be spelled “t3rr0r15m.” No need to thank me for avoiding the visit from the Gloria Steinem-controlled C1A’s drones.)

He also lives on a boat.

First Joe’s Old River Boat

thebionicmommy wins the entire thread with this song:

Oh shit, get your survival gear ready,
It’s about to go down
Every man in the place quit your fucking job
But keep your Internet
We running this, let’s go.

I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me
‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look
At my old river boat

I’m on a boat, feminist, take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the Mississippi
No more child support, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t make me pay taxes, ’cause I’m on a boat

Take a picture, BIGOT, I’m on a boat, BIGOT
We drinking Budweiser, ’cause it’s so crisp
I got my swim trunks and my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s straight flipping copies

I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
This dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t ladies’ night, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, feminists, don’t you ever forget!

I’m on a boat and it’s going fast
and I got a nautical themed, men’s rights afghan
I’m the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not me, oh

Get the fuck up, this man is real
Fuck laws, I’m on a boat, feminists
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, feminists
I’m on the deck with MRA’s, feminists
This boat engine make noise, feminists

Cooter Bee, if you could see me now
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow
For MGTOW, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat
It’s a big blue watery road
Hey, Futrelle, look at me,
Never thought I’d see the day,
When a big boat coming my way,
Believe me when I say, I WENT MY OWN WAY!

I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me ‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat
I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look
At my old river boat!

~thebionicmommy**

Inspired by this NSFW SNL clip:

* For the record, I am not a big fan of the CIA. Or the C1A. Or t3rrori5m. Or t3rr0r15m.

** Slightly perfected by thebionicmommy.