CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER
It has come to my attention that some people (particularly bored guys) mistake blogs for serious journalistic endeavors. Therefore, I feel the need to issue this legally binding CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE AND DISCLAIMER.
All information in this blog is intended only for the person(s) to whom it is addressed (you know who you are, and you know who you aren’t) and may contain privileged and/or confidential information. If you are not the intended reader, any disclosure, copying or dissemination of the information is legally actionable, and such offenses are punishable by a fine of some random number of troy ounces of gold + a case of red wine of my choosing. If I find out that anyone is reading this blog without my permission, YOU AUTOMATICALLY BECOME A CORPORATION AND I BECOME YOUR CEO, CFO, AND HR DEPARTMENT. No liability is accepted for any authorized or unauthorized use of the information contained in this blog.
From here on, I WILL WRITE IN ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE THE EXTREME SERIOUSNESS OF WHAT I AM SAYING. I AM NOT A JOURNALIST. ANYTHING I REPORT SHOULD BE VERIFIED BY OTHER SOURCES BEFORE YOU TAKE ACTION ON IT. I AM NOT A DOCTOR. IF I TELL YOU TO TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, YOUR BEST BET IS TO LEAVE YOUR HEAD IN YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU CAN GET A SECOND OPINION. I AM NOT A LAWYER. HOWEVER, WHEN I SEND YOU A LETTER FILLED WITH PHRASES SUCH AS “INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO,” “THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART,” AND “ON OR ABOUT,” YOUR BEST BET IS JUST TO GIVE IN AND SEND ME THE GOLD DUST AND RED WINE I AM DEMANDING.
TO UNDERSCORE HOW SERIOUS I AM HERE ARE MY ENFORCERS: