Merry Artistry (& Mockery)

Due to a family emergency, I haven’t been around much.  I hope whatever happened in your life today left you as happily fascinated as this cat:

GIF_CatLovesXmas

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It’s a “human rights” movement, alright…

MRAs are fond of viewing the relationship between men and women as a protection racket — as Cliff of Pervocracy used to say, “That’s a nice gender you’ve got there. Shame if something … happened to it.”

Laddition illustrates that philosophy in an A Voice for Men thread about a woman reporter who checked into rehab:

Men don’t have to hate women, a world of male indifference will be a cold place to be a woman. If you want to be loved and cared for, try being lovable, at the very least.

Or else!

Manboobzer Athywren illustrates the intense humanitarianism of the Men’s Rights Movement (MRM) by translating that impulse into song (inspired by the famous USA for Africa tune “We are the World).

Here’s the original:

And here are Athywren’s revised lyrics:

“We are the wooooorrrrrld,
We are the childreeeeeeen,
We are gonna fuck their shit
Right up through the ceiliiiiiin’!

And there are terrible things,
Like comedies with funny dads
And sometimes
You can’t
Abandon your childreeeeeen

We are the wooooorrrrrld,
We are the childreeeeeeen,
We are gonna fuck their shit
Right up through the ceiliiiiiin’!

And there are terrible things,
Like boys not beating girls at ev’rything.
We’re gonna make-it-right
We’re gonna show-them-now
With in-dif-fereeeeence

SING IT! SING TOGETHER NOW!

We are the wooooorrrrrld,
We are the childreeeeeeen,
We are gonna fuck their shit
Right up through the ceiliiiiiin’!”

*waves a candle*

You want a GIF? I know you want a GIF. Here’s a waterskiing dog:

GIF_waterskiingDog

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Gilbert & Sullivan redux

Alice Sanguinaria, of the wonderful Feminist Skeptic blog, is apparently another manboobzer who appreciates Gilbert & Sullivan!  The last time we channeled G&S on Man Boobz was in mockery of epic troll NWOslave; this time Alice is mocking the satire-challenged Paul Elam:

I am the very model of a misogynistic a-hole
I’m versed in information whining, raging, and no-show.
I know the involuntary celibates and I cite Elam honorable
From Bash a Bitch to FTSU to terrorize manginas and women terrible.
I’m well acquainted too with Roosh the impeccable
King of all PUAs and holder of knowledge wonderful.
About Price I know from the Spearhead hail
And MGTOWs I support with my tales of wail!

I know that women are all gold digging sluts
But I can’t stop admiring their wriggling butts.
So I tell them that they’re all irrational whores
In order to get them to beg for more!

I am the very model of a misogynistic a-hole
I’m versed in information whining, raging, and no-show;
I sit in front of my computer and write screeds all day
So that I don’t need to face the fact that all I do is hate.

The context for this is Paul Elam falling for one of the most obviously fake stories of all time, and going all apoplectic over it. No matter how hard he tries, he ends up showing his ass — and still fails:

GIF_atLeastHeTried

Posted in music, poetry | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Interior desecration, now with kittens!

baileyrenee was inspired by a photo katz took of her foster kitten, Violet, and created this kitty wallpaper:

kittywallpaper

Inspired perhaps by this image from the LILEKS Interior Desecration series, kittehserf created some ultimate kitty decor:

kittydecor

These cats seem intrigued (or maybe mesmerized):

GIF_CatsObservingThings

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Man Boobz’ Recipe Hotline: Pouding chômeur

There’s a wonderful French Canadian restaurant near me–a bit pricy, but worth the very occasional splurge. I don’t normally eat dessert when I eat out, but one time the waiter told such a heartfelt story about growing up quite poor, but savoring the occasional dessert of pouding chômeur. His mother made it with stale bread, foraged wild berries, and incredibly cheap maple syrup. It was a special on the menu that day so we ordered it, and it was truly a most amazing dish.

I'll wait until you stop salivating...

I’ll wait until you stop salivating…

Now, I know there are some amazing cooks on Man Boobz, and we do frequently share recipes. But imagine my surprise when lightcastle shared a recipe for pouding chômeur!  I’m not going to turn this into a cooking blog (although we have certainly discussed cookery previously), but cooking is definitely a kind of artistry so I’m going to share the occasional MBZ recipe here.  Recently, I made lightcastle’s recipe, and it’s wonderful. Serve with a scoop of really good vanilla ice cream!

For the sauce
1 1/2 cup maple syrup
3/4 cup water
2 teaspoon butter
Bring the maple syrup and the water to a boil. Remove from heat and add butter

For the cake
1 cup flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbs butter (or shortening or crisco)
1 egg, beaten
1/3 cup milk
.
Put the flour in a small bowl. Add the baking powder and the salt. Mix well.
In another bowl break the sugar and the fat into a cream. Add the beaten egg and mix well. Add the flour and milk in bits, alternating one then the other, and beat smooth after each addition.

Grease a 8 ” square pan. Add the cake and then slowly pour the syrup on top.

Cook at 350 F for about 35 min.

The maple syrup will trickle down as the cake rises, flavouring the cake itself and collecting into a congealed bottom layer.

It’s the wrong kind of pudding, but this GIF manages to convey the excitement of eating this:

GIF_HappyPudding

Posted in cookery | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ask and ye shall receive … artistry!

I was foofling around on Reddit (I spend way too much time on /r/aww) and I found a post about this beautiful 16-year-old cat.  Just a few replies in, a helful redditor had cropped the photo to emphasize the angry disdain so familiar to those of use who serve our feline overlords. When a cat gets angry at their human, there are … consequences.

The idea of cat anger consequences was first raised by manboobzer WonderWoman, in connection with a scenario in which a woman arrived home later than her cat would have desired. (Yes, cats do set curfews for their humans.) Here was her punishment:

He got between the duvet and the duvet cover and attacked my feet from there when I was falling asleep, knowing full well that there was no way for me to kick him out of bed while he was in there.

Note: Feline punishment, while certain, is not always swift. They often wait months, lulling you into a false sense of security, before they strike.

After seeing the Reddit cat, I knew I could not rest until it was turned into a cat anger consequences meme, so I begged kittehserf (who is LITERALLY an agricultural laborer bound under the feudal system to work on her cat’s estate) to create one for me.  And viola!  Here ’tis.

CAT ANGER CONSEQUENCES 1

What sort of behavior can provoke cat anger consequences?  In addition to the aforementioned sin of returning home past cat-curfew, there’s food (not enough, not often enough, not the right kind, not the food on your plate because you’re too selfish to share), litterbox (wrong litter, not cleaned enough), petting (not enough, too much, on the belly, not on the belly), and many other things. Consult your cat — although actually, your cat will probably just stare at you. See above.

Here’s something else that almost definitely produced cat anger consequences:

GIF_catAngerConsequences3

Posted in art, catch phrases | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

MRA History Lesson, part 5: China (Prehistory — Han Dynasty)

It’s time for the next installment of our series An MRA History of the World! Today we’re going back in time for a visit to the country MRA expats like to visit to find submissive women unspoiled by feminism: China! This installment is brought to you by Jack, a dog who is very good at balancing things on his head.

Jack is very interested in balancing things, and Chinese history.

Jack is very interested in balancing things, and Chinese history.

This totally peer-reviewd history was written by Andrew Johnston:

An MRA’s History of China (Prehistory – Han Dynasty)

The Middle Kingdom has a long history of conflict and evolution. The history is often described as a cycle – women ruin the nation, men pull it back from the brink, then they become complacent and ruin it again. Of course, the feminist-influenced historians won’t tell you this, but there’s really no other conclusion to be reached.

These are some of the many history books Jack has read.

It all started thousands of years ago, with the Xia people. They had lived in peace with their neighbors for many years, until the arrival of the Shang emperor. This poor man had been enslaved to the pussy of Da Ji, an evil sorceress and Asia’s first feminist. First, she ordered the emperor to wipe out the Xia. Once that was done, she forced him to participate in bizarrely grand acts of debauchery. Does anyone honestly think he enjoyed building that lake of rice wine? No, sir.

What sorcery is this?

What sorcery is this?

Eventually, the people wised up to their matriarchal oppressor, and overthrew their king, founding the Zhou Dynasty. This period saw many innovations in bronze- and iron-working, as well as a flourishing of the arts. All of this was because they learned from their mistakes and kept their women in check. This doesn’t explicitly appear in the historical records, but you must keep in mind that a good deal of early dynastic history was recorded by Sima Qian, a eunuch – the truest of all manginas. Therefore, we must glean information from between the lines.

JPEG_JackBalancingSoccerBall

This period also saw many innovations in balancing things.

The Zhou Dynasty was followed by the Qin and Han Dynasties, and it is here that we start to see the development of the matriarchal systems that continue to haunt us to this day. We see the birth of the bureaucratic system – the same bureaucracy abused by woman to steal money from the men they’ve spermjacked. There is the rise of standardization, used by feminists to force men to follow rules that deny them their manhood. Of course, we cannot overlook the feminist Qin Shi Huang’s effort to wipe out Confucianism and, thus, one of man’s greatest contributions to philosophy. History does not note if he planned to replace these great works with the writings of Andrea Dworkin, but it is a fair assumption.

JPEG_JackBalancingDuck

It’s also fair to assume he could not balance a stuffed duck on his head.

I think we can all agree that this is a fine history, but I have to reduce Andrew’s grade slightly for not mentioning that the Chinese discovered the Americas.

And here’s a another dog that is good at balancing:

GIF_DogBalancingOnTightrope

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Pube Terror, and its many sequels (brought to you by Golden Retrievers)

One day, Diogenes the Cynic dropped in to share a little note from his boner:

Oral is impossible on a woman who doesn’t trim well.

Yes, that's right folks. This is the universal human experience!

Yes, that’s right folks. Diogenes’ experience is the universal human experience!

lowquacks helpfully points out some other universal human experiences:

It is impossible to kiss a man with a beard.

It is impossible to apply underarm deodourant to anyone with underarm hair.

It is impossible to pull socks on over feet with any hair on them.

It is impossible to pet a long-haired cat.

(Please note that that last statement has been illustrated by katz.)

(Please note that that last statement has been illustrated by katz.)

After Diogenes claims that his argument is “nuanced,” hellkell replies,

That is the biggest pantload I’ve heard today. You wouldn’t know nuance if it shaved and sat on your face.

We luv hellkell.

We luv hellkell

Which causes Kittehserf to unleash her REIGN OF TERROR:

It should sit on his face without shaving. Then he’d die of Pube Terror.

That sounds interesting!

That sounds interesting!

Manboobzers then proceed to create the greatest movie franchise of all time!

  • Pube Terror: The Movie (Now in 3D!)
  • Pube Terror 2: The Pit Hair Attacks
  • Pube Terror 3: The Regrowth
  • Pube Terror 4: Rise of the Leg Hair
  • Pube Terror 5: The Brazilian Has Failed
  • Pube Terror 6: Anal Bleach Massacre
  • Pube Terror 6: The Hygiene Disaster
In their rush to get these movies out, sometimes the humans make an error in the numbering.

In their rush to get these movies out, sometimes the humans make an error in the numbering.

  • Pube Terror 7: The Horror of the Wax Museum Salon
  • Pube Terror 8: Ingrown
  • Pube Terror 8: Where’s the Muffin?
  • Pube Terror 9: The Grey Tide
  • Pube Terror 9: The Itch
  • Pube Terror 10: The Crabs
  • Pube Terror 10: Attack of the Giant Man-Eating Crabs
And sometimes they don't just repeat the number, but also the concept. No matter, let's continue.

And sometimes they don’t just repeat the number, but also the concept. No matter, let’s continue.

  • Pube Terror 10: The Regrowth Chafes Again
  • Pube terror 11: House of Hot Wax
  • Pube Terror 11: American Hot Wax
It's almost eerie when this happens, like the mass migration of Goldens in the Atlantic.

It’s almost eerie when the feminist hivemind echoes like this. Like the way Goldens know when to start their mass migration across the Atlantic.

  • Pube Terror 11: That One Annoying Guy Strikes Again
  • Pube Terror 12: Lost In The Undergrowth
  • Pube Terror 12: Revenge of the Tweezerman
  • Pube Terror 13: The Epilator
  • Pube Terror 13: The Carpet and Drape Disaster
  • Pube Terror 13: Raiders of the Lost Crotch
  • American Hair Pie
Wait, why isn't that one numbered? Never mind.

Did someone say pie?

  • Pube Terror 14: The Gillette Incident
  • Pube Terror 14: The Crotch Rot
  • Pube Terror 14: 50 Shades of Grey
  • Pube Terror 14: The Temple of Doom
  • Pube Terror 15: The Crotch Rot Strikes Back
  • Pube Terror 15: There’s a Cream for That
  • Pube Terror 16: The Burning Bush
  • Pube Terror 16: Depilation Nation
  • Pube Terror 16: The Phantom Lotrimin (prequel to The Crotch Rot Strikes Back)
  • Pube Terror 17: The Pube on your Plate
  • Pube Terror 17: The Rough and the Smooth
  • Pube Terror 17: Stubble is my Co-Pilot
  • Pube Terror 18: Shag, Berber, or Hardwood
  • Pube Terror 18: Reeker
  • Pube Terror 18: Depilation Derby
  • Pube Terror 18: Eat, Play, Love
  • Pube Terror 20: What Lies Beneath
What happened to PT 19?

Goldie flaunts her unshaven self in your general direction while wondering what happened to Pube Terror 19…

  • Pube Terror 21: The Abyss
  • Pube Terror 19: Monistat Mambo
Oh, there it is.

Oh, there it is.

  • Pube Terror 22: Dirty Dancing
  • Pube Terror 22: Jaws
  • Pube Terror 20: Undouched and Wild
Clearly, the studio has no quality control by this point.

Clearly, the studio has no quality control by this point.

  • Pube Terror 23: The Curse of the Cat People
  • Pube Terror 24: On Golden Pond
  • Pube Terror 23: Pubes Gone Wild
  • Pube Terror 24: Where The Hairy Things Are
  • Pube Terror 25: The Hunger Games
  • Pube Terror 25: Electrolysis
  • Pube Terror 26: Blade Runner
  • Pube Terror 28: The Inhalation
Another missing episode!

Another missing episode!

  • Pube Terror 29: Unplanned Flossing
  • Pube Terror 29: “That Isn’t Toothfloss”
  • Pube Terror 30: The Tickle and the Sneeze
  • Pube Terror 30: Wrong Turn
  • Pube Terror: the Terror of the Tongs.

And just when you think you’re done with Pube Terror, it creeps onto another thread!

  • Pube Terror the Musical: Hair

I realize after all that, you might need some medical intervention to get the mental images out of your head. Here you go:

JPEG_GoldenPsychiatrist

And you’re welcome!

GIF_GoldenHandshakeI was too lazy to individually credit each participant, but they’ve all been tagged.

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What is it to be HU-man? (Text accompanied by freaked out kitties)

In response to a post about a PUA/Game practitioner who compares women over 25 to milk that’s gone off, a commenter named Energomash drops the following small brown pellet of “wisdom” in the Man Boobz comments thread:

So what? He has a point. Young women are more attractive, whats misogyn [sic] about that?

GIF_catfreakedbypuppies

That cat seems a little misopuppy.

andemilybites notes the most important aspect of Energomash’s comment:

You guys, Keyboardsmash is too alpha to even finish his wo.

Maybe he was startled by a banana?

Maybe he was startled by a banana?

auggziliary points out what is particularly wrong about the PUA featured in the post:

acting like a human being’s only worth is sex, and they can only have sex when they’re “ripe”, and that women(and only women) are the equivalent of objects that are “used up” is incredibly dehumanizing. He didn’t just talk about their youth, he talked about how they were “used” by someone else. It’s not like a woman is some disposable, 1 time use sex toy, and that’s her only worth.

Potatoes can also be unsettling.

Potatoes can also be unsettling.

Fade continues the thought:

He didn’t say young women more attractive (it’s bs to state your opinion as fact anyway, though) he said older women are WORTHLESS and also compared them to food… The PUAs seem to care more about getting sex than respecting other human beings.

GIF_kittensscatter

The correct way to react when PUAs compare women to milk.

Energomash doubles down:

I’ve read some feminist blogs and they always criticize the ‘objectification’ of women. I think from a philosophical viewpoint this doesnt make much sense.

1: Humans do not posses any intrisic value.
2: If you value a person because he/she is human, you don’t value what makes them special. You don’t value any specific characteristics like intelligence, personality or looks! You value an abstract entity and not the actual person.

Again, a cat demonstrates the proper reaction to this comment.

Again, a cat demonstrates the proper reaction to this comment.

Fade again demonstrates how decent people think:

wow. I think that is a really cruddy way to try to justify being an asshole. Also, I think humans DO possess intrisic value, sorry. I can value my brother as a human AND because he’s smart and funny and we play fight a lot. Those aren’t contradictory

GIF_kittenandlizard

Cat demonstrates play-fighting with lizard.

Ally also dissects Energomash’s position:

I contend that humans have intrinsic value, but you don’t need to think that humans have intrinsic value to see why objectification is fucked up. Utilitarianism can also support the moral case against objectification very easily.

As for your second point, I don’t think you understand what it means to value someone as a human being. It is the same as valuing the person hirself – what you specify is merely valuing a human being because of hir attributes, which is the exact opposite of seeing someone as intrinsically valuable. Valuing a person has nothing to do with liking certain aspects of that person and everything to do with seeing that person as an end in hirself.

This cat has intrinsic value, and also entertainment value.

This cat has intrinsic value, and also entertainment value.

More philosophy follows, and then (thanks to chibigodzilla) this happens:

Robot 1: What is it to be HU-man?

Robot 2: To be HU-man is to have certain emotional dispositions towards that person or object.

Robot 1: What is EE-motion?

Robot 2: HU-man emotions cause them to react in a certain way to that person or object.

Robot 1: I am glad I have no such EE-motions. To react in a certain way to a person or object sounds most troublesome.

Robot 2: Affirmative.

Basement cat reacts to the idea of a world without emotion.

Basement cat reacts to the idea of a world without emotion.

Posted in general mockery, helpful guides, short stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

MRA History Lesson, part 4: Boudicca

As part of our ongoing series An MRA History of the World, I am pleased to present a chapter written by hippodameia8527 about an evil Celtic queen who helped lead an uprising against the manly Roman Empire.

An MRA’s History of Boudica

When her husband the king died and left all his land to the Romans, Boudica got all uppity and tried to claim that the land was hers because of some matrilineal inheritance shit. The Romans had to go put her in her place, but when they did she false-accused them and made all the mangina men in her tribe fight to defend her “honor.” They all died, but she and her entitled princess leech daughters got away and went to eat bon-bons in Scotland.

You can find the rest of the history lessons here. The Artistry for Feminism. And Kittens MOOC (massive open online course) is free, since like everything else related to feminism it is subsidized by an equally massive wealth transfer of men’s taxes to women’s chic little pocketbooks. Thanks, Big Daddy Government! Thanks, Obama! Thanks, Misandry!

GIF_lionessMisandry

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