Pube Terror, and its many sequels (brought to you by Golden Retrievers)

One day, Diogenes the Cynic dropped in to share a little note from his boner:

Oral is impossible on a woman who doesn’t trim well.

Yes, that's right folks. This is the universal human experience!

Yes, that’s right folks. Diogenes’ experience is the universal human experience!

lowquacks helpfully points out some other universal human experiences:

It is impossible to kiss a man with a beard.

It is impossible to apply underarm deodourant to anyone with underarm hair.

It is impossible to pull socks on over feet with any hair on them.

It is impossible to pet a long-haired cat.

(Please note that that last statement has been illustrated by katz.)

(Please note that that last statement has been illustrated by katz.)

After Diogenes claims that his argument is “nuanced,” hellkell replies,

That is the biggest pantload I’ve heard today. You wouldn’t know nuance if it shaved and sat on your face.

We luv hellkell.

We luv hellkell

Which causes Kittehserf to unleash her REIGN OF TERROR:

It should sit on his face without shaving. Then he’d die of Pube Terror.

That sounds interesting!

That sounds interesting!

Manboobzers then proceed to create the greatest movie franchise of all time!

  • Pube Terror: The Movie (Now in 3D!)
  • Pube Terror 2: The Pit Hair Attacks
  • Pube Terror 3: The Regrowth
  • Pube Terror 4: Rise of the Leg Hair
  • Pube Terror 5: The Brazilian Has Failed
  • Pube Terror 6: Anal Bleach Massacre
  • Pube Terror 6: The Hygiene Disaster
In their rush to get these movies out, sometimes the humans make an error in the numbering.

In their rush to get these movies out, sometimes the humans make an error in the numbering.

  • Pube Terror 7: The Horror of the Wax Museum Salon
  • Pube Terror 8: Ingrown
  • Pube Terror 8: Where’s the Muffin?
  • Pube Terror 9: The Grey Tide
  • Pube Terror 9: The Itch
  • Pube Terror 10: The Crabs
  • Pube Terror 10: Attack of the Giant Man-Eating Crabs
And sometimes they don't just repeat the number, but also the concept. No matter, let's continue.

And sometimes they don’t just repeat the number, but also the concept. No matter, let’s continue.

  • Pube Terror 10: The Regrowth Chafes Again
  • Pube terror 11: House of Hot Wax
  • Pube Terror 11: American Hot Wax
It's almost eerie when this happens, like the mass migration of Goldens in the Atlantic.

It’s almost eerie when the feminist hivemind echoes like this. Like the way Goldens know when to start their mass migration across the Atlantic.

  • Pube Terror 11: That One Annoying Guy Strikes Again
  • Pube Terror 12: Lost In The Undergrowth
  • Pube Terror 12: Revenge of the Tweezerman
  • Pube Terror 13: The Epilator
  • Pube Terror 13: The Carpet and Drape Disaster
  • Pube Terror 13: Raiders of the Lost Crotch
  • American Hair Pie
Wait, why isn't that one numbered? Never mind.

Did someone say pie?

  • Pube Terror 14: The Gillette Incident
  • Pube Terror 14: The Crotch Rot
  • Pube Terror 14: 50 Shades of Grey
  • Pube Terror 14: The Temple of Doom
  • Pube Terror 15: The Crotch Rot Strikes Back
  • Pube Terror 15: There’s a Cream for That
  • Pube Terror 16: The Burning Bush
  • Pube Terror 16: Depilation Nation
  • Pube Terror 16: The Phantom Lotrimin (prequel to The Crotch Rot Strikes Back)
  • Pube Terror 17: The Pube on your Plate
  • Pube Terror 17: The Rough and the Smooth
  • Pube Terror 17: Stubble is my Co-Pilot
  • Pube Terror 18: Shag, Berber, or Hardwood
  • Pube Terror 18: Reeker
  • Pube Terror 18: Depilation Derby
  • Pube Terror 18: Eat, Play, Love
  • Pube Terror 20: What Lies Beneath
What happened to PT 19?

Goldie flaunts her unshaven self in your general direction while wondering what happened to Pube Terror 19…

  • Pube Terror 21: The Abyss
  • Pube Terror 19: Monistat Mambo
Oh, there it is.

Oh, there it is.

  • Pube Terror 22: Dirty Dancing
  • Pube Terror 22: Jaws
  • Pube Terror 20: Undouched and Wild
Clearly, the studio has no quality control by this point.

Clearly, the studio has no quality control by this point.

  • Pube Terror 23: The Curse of the Cat People
  • Pube Terror 24: On Golden Pond
  • Pube Terror 23: Pubes Gone Wild
  • Pube Terror 24: Where The Hairy Things Are
  • Pube Terror 25: The Hunger Games
  • Pube Terror 25: Electrolysis
  • Pube Terror 26: Blade Runner
  • Pube Terror 28: The Inhalation
Another missing episode!

Another missing episode!

  • Pube Terror 29: Unplanned Flossing
  • Pube Terror 29: “That Isn’t Toothfloss”
  • Pube Terror 30: The Tickle and the Sneeze
  • Pube Terror 30: Wrong Turn
  • Pube Terror: the Terror of the Tongs.

And just when you think you’re done with Pube Terror, it creeps onto another thread!

  • Pube Terror the Musical: Hair

I realize after all that, you might need some medical intervention to get the mental images out of your head. Here you go:

JPEG_GoldenPsychiatrist

And you’re welcome!

GIF_GoldenHandshakeI was too lazy to individually credit each participant, but they’ve all been tagged.

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About cloudiah

I contain platitudes.
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