The Five Stages of Girls Getting All Up in Your Boy Stuff

Manboobzer Shaenon offers this helpful guide for dudes upset by LADIES getting involved in MEN’S stuff. Like, say, video games, comics, or the STEM fields.

Denial
“Girls can’t be scientists! Their brains are too small and pink! Plus they’d always be shorting out the equipment by getting tears and menstruations on it!”

“Comics are made for men. Females have differently-structured brains that make it too hard for them to process words and images at the same time. Yes, there are countries where lots of girls read comics, but they probably receive special training to catch up with the boys.” (Actual online argument I had with an actual prominent comic-book artist.)

“Girls playing video games? Impossible! They’d get scared and run away as soon as the ghosts started chasing Pac-Man.”

Anger
“What is this female doing in my IT department? I always imagined that when one of these creatures finally showed some appreciation for my field, she’d do it by begging me to set up her Facebook page in exchange for sex. Instead, this female is just sitting there waiting for her code to compile! She didn’t even ask me for help! And it’s just plain insulting that she chose not to be hot.”

“Comic-book conventions used to be safe havens where you could stop bathing for a weekend and swap hilarious Wonder Woman rape jokes. Now there are girls there ruining the whole vibe. I bet that girl doesn’t even know anything about Emma Frost, which is why she’s wearing an obsessively accurate handmade Emma Frost costume and carrying a stack of X-Men comics. Also, she’s hot, which makes me uncomfortable.”

“ARRRRRGH ANITA SARKEESIAN GRARRRGH ARRRR *hack* *koff* *choke*”

Bargaining
“Fine, we’ll just agree that any scientific field with a sizeable number of females isn’t real science. Psychology, obviously. And sociology, except for evo-psych essays about female inferiority, which are totes scientific. And anthropology. And biology. And chemistry. And oh my god they’re coming for the applied sciences! This was not part of the deal! We had an agreement! WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!”

“Any time I see a girl in a comic shop, I’ll assume she’s there for the manga. I will also complain loudly to everyone in the store about how dumb manga is, even though I’ve never read any. As long as everyone agrees that girls’ comics are different from men’s comics, and that difference is that they suck, I think I can maintain.”

“What do you mean, almost half of gamers are female? Then whatever games they play don’t count as games. Okay?”

Depression

“If we don’t stop females from doing science, they’ll destroy it. All human progress will cease, society will collapse, and we’ll go back to living in caves. What do you mean, humans never lived in caves? What did I say about anthropology not being real science?”

“Fake geek girls are ruining comics for real geeks, i.e. men. If our efforts to yell at them until they leave fail, our conventions will be overrun with sexy women dressed as our favorite characters. This will be terrible for some reason.”

“Every time a girl plays a video game, the Earth gets one degree hotter. This is one hundred percent true.”

Acceptance

…?

In closing, please have this epic guinea pig (in lieu of my usual GIF):

heroicGuineaPig

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About cloudiah

I contain platitudes.
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