Judas betrayed Jesus because that bitch Mary Magdalene friendzoned him and hooked up with that alpha son of God instead (even though he was a big hippie mangina). If she had just realized what a Nice Guy Judas was then Jesus would never have died, and the Church wouldn’t treat women like shit. You brought 2000 years of religious bigotry on yourselves, ladies.
Well, that seems pretty definitive to me! Ladies, you need to figure out a way to make it up to the misters. And to Judas.
Find the rest of the History Lessons here.
Oh! Here’s a cute kitten!