LIFE ADVICE FROM ELONINE

David pokes fun at a redditor named Gobhoblin on the Men’s Rights subreddit, who  thinks women function like the Borg Collective’s hive mind.

WE ARE THE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTRELLE.

WE ARE THE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTRELLE.

An MRA named Elonine responds to Gobhoblin with some good advice:

The best way to be attractive to women… is to be attractive to women…

Manboobzer Kladle builds on this advice:

LIFE ADVICE FROM “ELONINE”
The best way to chop a mango is… to chop a mango…
The best way to teach a child to read is… to teach a child to read…
The best way to perform CPR is… to perform CPR…
The best way to write a love letter is… to write a love letter…
The best way to take down an assailant is… to take down an assailant…
The best way to replace your power supply is… to replace your power supply…
That IS some good advice, right there.
kladle then goes on to imagine ELONINE’s career as a 911 operator:
A 911 CALL WITH ELONINE
“Hello? Hello? There’s a fire and…”
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down by calming down.”
“Sorry, sorry, there’s a fire in the trash can and I don’t know what…”
“Ma’am the best way to put the fire out is to put the fire out.”
“I tried to use the fire extinguisher but it’s out of control and the fire department…”
“Ma’am, ma’am. Let me get this right. The trash can is on fire because it’s on fire and you couldn’t control it by controlling it, so it’s out of control?”
“What? Yes? Please send someone quick, when I…”
“Are you out of the building? The best way to leave the building is to leave the building…”

And now I am inexplicably hungry for chopped mango.

mango

I’d like to take this opportunity to wish all manboobzers and feminists a Happy New Year, just a little bit early. Internet hugs all around!

HAPPY 2013 TO ALL!

HAPPY 2013 TO ALL!

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About cloudiah

I contain platitudes.
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