There is a d00d who calls himself Glori-US Bastard. No, seriously. And he has a blog. I know, get out! Oddly enough, it is both bombastic and incoherent, which is a pretty hilarious combination. He is also a teensy bit thin-skinned, and got his manly, alpha knickers in a twist when he was featured on Man Boobz. So he wrote a scathing rebuttal which really put us in our place.
(By the way, that post of his looks even better when it’s been meowbified.)
Actual Glori-US quote:
Wasn’t that not my point all along little harpy chocolates? LOL
Now, leaving aside for the moment the weird double negative, and the fact that a d00d who calls himself “an alpha male… ex-military, a father, an entrepreneur, an inventor, a fighter, a friend,” also says “LOL,” I noticed that manboobzers were intrigued by the notion of little harpy chocolates. (Well duh! Feminists are FAT, so of course we immediately fixate on the chocolate!) The only thing women like better than chocolate is shoes, amirite? Mmmm…. chocolate shoes…
But back to the harpy chocolates — katthemad rides to the rescue with an offer to make them, and possibly other manosphere-themed treats, a reality! (This must happen. It simply must.)
However, inurashii sounds a cautionary note about earlier troll-themed confections:
Harpy chocolates are the first successful endeavor in manboobz brand confections.
Previous, less successful attempts include:
The Nuclear Pelltdown – Dark chocolate infused with szechuan button essence, featuring a naga jolokia cream center. Tastes mild at first, but then induces oral numbness and ends in a conflagration of flavorless pain.
The Elam-itious – A durian custard center covered by our chefs in white chocolate while they watch Top Gun, this flavor always takes over your mouth, blotting out whatever else you were eating. Pains have clearly been made to make this chocolate look delicious, but its pungeant, unpleasant aroma reveals its nature immediately.
The Heartistethrob – This overly-sweet confection’s berry-chocolate base is cloying and oily, leaving the consumer feeling powerful nausea and a sense of violation.
Choc the Other – Slices of fresh red onion are lovingly sliced by our twenty to thirty chefs with premium german box-cutters, and are then coated in chocolate and sprinkled with tear-salt. Some might wonder why anyone would bother to make this. Our reply: “STOP THREATENING US!!!”
NWOcrave – This chocolate features dozens of flavors, none of which are either well-suited to each other or any good in the first place.
An Inconvenient Truffle – Surprise! This isn’t actually a chocolate, it’s a piece of unfired clay with ‘chocolate’ written on the side. Anyone calling to complain about this truffle will be subject to off-base accusations concerning their purchase history.
Chocolate board on a stick – This chocolate is really worried about you. You could be eating vegetables. Why are you eating chocolate? You say this chocolate is bland and pointless, but why aren’t you writing a review of ice cream? We’re starting to wonder about your credentials as a gourmet.
The Sharon is Carin’ – Not really a chocolate in and of itself, but a reasonably well-designed chocolate shell that can be placed over another, uglier chocolate to mask its ghastly appearance. Tastes really bad, unfortunately.
Here’s hoping for great success for katthemad’s delicious endeavors!
Now I’d like to close with a pithy quote highlighted by Glori-US Bastard:
“Life is tough, it’s tougher if your [sic] stupid.” John Wayne